Posted by in Life

Spotting. Cramping. I am thinking this is the end of yet another pregnancy. Got the lovely feelings of not wanting to have more children, need to concentrate on the two I have. Add insult to injury, my parents and brother are coming over and are going to be moving shit around (and out of ) the house. Couldn’t come at a worse time, on a worse day.

My nausea is intense, I think its because of stress at this point. I just want the move to be over and if my pregnancy is over, I want to miscarry quickly so I can put it behind me. And I want my shit cold to go away.

I just want to go to bed.

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The next level

Posted by in Life

We will be moving to Colorado in a few weeks and I can’t wait. I have been outsourcing some of my work to a guy in London and that has been working well. I have finally made and executed the decision to hand over Mommaville. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Mommaville isn’t completely off of my plate yet, but its in the works and should happen soon. It’s a great place, but I just can’t commit to it anymore.

Things are well here. The girls are great. I am about 6 weeks pregnant and am feeling ill most of the time, but why talk and whine about it like everyone else does. LOL Victoria sent me some progesterone suppositories that came today so I will use them starting tonight. I hope that helps to keep this pregnancy. 🙂 Thank you Victoria!!!

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Tears

Posted by in Life

I took Rachel to get her ears pierced today. She was so excited. We have been talking about it off and on for weeks, I’ve been trying to make sure this is something she wanted to do. Today as I sat her down in her chair, I repeated that she could go back and change her mind, but she sat there with her beautiful blue eyes staring down at me, with the most excited face and said “No, Momma.”

I held her hands and had her look into my eyes as the women counted “1, 2, and 3.” I watched her eyes well up with tears as she reached out for me. What a bittersweet moment. My eyes are welling up with tears as I type this. Once we calmed her down (under a minute) and got her a mirror so she could see. The look of pride and wonder then filled her eyes. She spent the rest of the day looking in any mirror or reflection she could find and telling anyone that would listen.

On one hand, she is so thrilled with her new earrings and is so proud of herself. But on the other hand, I feel like I let her down. I feel like today I took a piece of her innocence away. The child sat down with not one OUNCE of fear in her eyes that it would hurt, even though I told her it would, but I guess I feel like she didn’t believe me as she trusts me 100% with her life not to steer her in harms way.

I am totally crying now. Feelings of wishing it were just me and Rachel again. Feelings of how could I possibly have her hurt, even if for a second.

My bond with that child, especially when things are grey… is like no other bond I have or have ever had with any other human being in this world. I can’t explain it. I’m not an emotional person. I don’t cry. But here I am sitting with tears streaming down my face (hoping John won’t notice), because I let my baby be hurt. Because I took a piece of her innocence away.

If anything were ever to happen to Rachel, I would kill myself.

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I’m back!

Posted by in Life

My blog died and it took me nearly 3 months to put it back together. 3 months was too long. Lot’s of stuff has happened. We finally chose a moving date. I finally chose a breed, found a puppy and will pick her up in Kansas. I’m newly pregnant!

I’ve been slowing down work and online time for my kids. I’ve noticed great differences in them, and myself. We’ve been spending more time together, getting more exercise and eating very well (making good food choices). I am cutting back on work, rather, choosing project that will take less time but pay more money. Funny how that works out.

I’m back. I’ll probably post another entry in 15 minutes when I remembered all I want to say!

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No puke

Posted by in Life

First time in several days that we haven’t seen puke. MMmmmm.

I’m loving the Apprentice, one of my favorite all-time shows.

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My pictures

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If you want access to my personal picture gallery, send me an email to let me know who you are and why you want to see my pictures. geek@kategeek.com

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Drive – Thru

Posted by in Life

I recently read a post that led me to a blog that had some nasty comments, a commenter suggesting that the blogger was obsessed with her child. I glanced at my last few entries and realized that a lot of what I talk about isn’t about me, but those around me. Are we made up of who is around us? Or are we actual entities separate from our surroundings?

All I know is that I put both of my girls to bed after decorating our new (fake) xmas tree and that fresh pot of coffee is calling my name.

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Doodle d do

Posted by in Life

Julie has been really sick, her chest filled up with crap almost instantly. She has been throwing up, spiking high fevers and been generally miserable but I think she is coming out of it. Rachel has been great to help with Julie so I could get some work done in the times when Julie has been content enough to sit in her exersaucer. I’ve got great kids.

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Happy Anniversary

Posted by in Life

Today is the big day. Well, non celebratory as we did that yesterday. We went into Boston last night, saw the show, had dinner and then went to at Finale. I had forgotten my purse when I dropped the girls at my parents but my brother brought it to us at dinner. I can’t say I needed it as I wasn’t carded. (cry)

When we got home, John gave me my present (his was the dinner/show) and it was a nearly new copy of a book that I bought in london probably 15 years ago and I have *never* been able to find a new copy. It was a *very* thoughtful gift.

Time to take a shower and grab the girls.

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Iggy

Posted by in Life

Met my first Italian greyhound tonight, everything I expected and more. This is definitely the type of dog I want to get, it was *SO* hard to not bring him home. (sad) When things settle down for us, I’ll find the perfect one for us. I think he was perfect for us tonight, he settled RIGHT into my lap once the baby left with John…. but it is just not the right time and place for us to be having a dog (cry).

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