Taken August 2007. I miss this. This girl is still in my daughter but the disease is taking over. I took Rachel to see a primary care doctor here in Denver and she is willing to treat Rachel both as a person and a person with a neurological disorder. This is a big weight off of my shoulders. As she is still having breakthrough bleeding despite the pill and extra estrogen I decided to try her on the depo shot and so far so good. She weighed 186 at the doctor and I am still getting her in and out of the bath with minimal help from her. As long as I can physically care for her I am keeping her endlessly chatty, yelling, hungry, sometimes irritable self at home (which is still an airstream – so cool).
I hate what this disease is doing. I absolutely hate it. Taking her abilities and making it hard to do things as a single-parent family. I won’t give up but unfortunately, Batten Disease doesn’t give up, either. My arms hurt from my muscles ripping to grow larger as her muscles give out more and more each week. Being built like a brick shit house has its advantages that I never dreamed of.
Rachel was supposed to come to the gun range with me back in Boston several months ago, but the day I had planned to take her she had a seizure. Yesterday we went up to Spring Creek which is just outside of Idaho Springs in Colorado. With the help of multiple, legal gun owners, Rachel was given the opportunity to handle an unloaded rifle and with assistance she was able to shoot it. She loved it! She held it, I balanced it and aimed while she pulled the trigger. Very cool day. There are more pictures of this day on my personal blog www.katwasabi.com
The weeks after the road race have been super busy for Rachel, me and her siblings. Rachel finished up her home schooling with several weeks of seeing Anneliese the awesome TVI (Teacher of the Visually Impaired) at our home and baking. Once school was out I loaded up the kids, pets and the Airstream and we drove out to Colorado. Rachel had a hard time over the 4 day journey as it was very disorienting for her but once we arrived she has been doing much better. I sent her IEP (education plan) to the school district here and they started her in summer school the Monday after we got here. She likes going to school as much as she ever has (says she hates it but has a good time when she is there). A huge difference for me was putting her on a big yellow school bus when I am used to putting her on a 13 passenger van.
I have been making her walk everywhere but I let her use the wheelchair to go to school with for her safety. Yesterday she went 4 wheeling which tired her out from having to keep her core balanced. She also went pee in the woods! This morning she slept in until nearly 10am so I know she had a work out. She is definitely losing her ability to walk but I am trying to fight it as much as possible. Soon I will let her sit (she wants to just about always) but for now, while I think its in her best interest she is stuck with me and walking.
Here are a few recent pictures:
Thank you Thank you Thank you! The Cohasset Sports Complex has committed to being Silver Sponsors of Team Rachel Race 4 A Cure. Thank you!
Thank you so much to Clean Harbors for donating $1000 to Team Rachel! They have been so generous to our efforts to raise money for Batten Disease Research and we are so grateful. Thank you!!!! <3Read More
Thank you to Gary Wyrosdic of Wyrosdic Builder Design & Construction for sponsoring Team Rachel Race for A Cure!!! They are returning sponsors of our race and we are so grateful!
Wyrosdic is located in Lynfield, MA and graciously put in ramps to both our front and back door at Rachel’s home.Read More
Thank you to John and Good Geeks for sponsoring the T-Shirts for Team Rachel this year! People love the shirts and they last forever, we appreciate the donation and support of Rachel and Batten Disease Research!
Website: www.goodgeeks.coRead More
Thank you so much to Sue Ann and Mr Divito for sponsoring the road race for another year! We really appreciate your support!
My last post was about following my gut and taking Rachel out of her residential school, which I did. Tonight I will briefly write about the last few weeks and the immediate future.
Rachel has been in her wheelchair twice since leaving school. Once to walk to have pizza around the corner and once to come to the park on our street. While at the park Rachel was able to swing in the “disabled people” swing for several minutes and could not have been happier.
Since she has been home I have put our house on the market! As a result of selling the house I moved her bedroom back to the second floor and she is sharing a room with her 10 year old sister, Julie. Rachel’s lower body strength and endurance for walking has dramatically increased. She is happier due to a lack of repeated transitions and having a verbal translator (me) near her at all times.
The school is trying to force the issue and send Rachel to a “Collaborative” school. I have requested, for the time being, pull out services. If Rachel’s Dad accepts her “Collaborative” placement then I will be forced to send her (unless she has diarrhea all of those days of the week), or I have to get a Dr note every 60 days requiring school to bring school to home. Since the house is on the market and the kids and I are moving, I think I am going to go for the homeschool option.
Rachel is happy at home. I am doing just fine with her. This is such a stupid “fight” and one which I am completely unwilling to lose because advocating for Rachel is at the top of my priority list. I know what she wants, I know what she lives and I know what she is trying to say when the words fail her. I guess I am up at bat. I haven’t swung a bat (literally) since high school. Luckily this is a metaphor and I will do my job as her Mom.
In 50 years this won’t matter to anyone. But the next few years mean everything. For Rachel, for me and for her siblings. Standing up for what you know is right for Rachel is the right thing to do.
I shall stand tall and proud and wearing a gas mask because Rachel sure does love to fart. <3Read More
I’m watching Rachel stuff herself a few feet from me with some pancake donut holes that you can buy at Trader Joes. It’s a Tuesday morning at 8:40 and my triplets (my other three children who are unaffected by this disease (I call them the triplets) are all at school. A little over a month ago I sent Rachel off to a new residential school and we lasted a month. They offer some amazing activities there for kids who have a wide range of disabilities and I highly recommend the place.
But the place just wasn’t for us.
She’s home for now while we figure out the next step. If the decision were hers she would return to the Middle School she was attending but we have to consider another option as well before she (hopefully) gets to return to her old school. She is sitting in her recliner under an electric blanket and listening to Sesame Street on Sprouts. Happy as a clam. I followed my gut and I’m happy about my decision to bring her home.
My favorite part about her being home? She is walking up and down the stairs and sleeping in her old bunk bed in her old room with her little sister, Julie.Read More
For the third year in a row, BJ’s Auto Repair in Norwell Massachusetts generously sponsors Team Rachel’s Race for a Cure! BJ’s Auto is our first sponsor of the year!
Website: http://www.bjsautonorwell.com/Read More
Petrocelli Public Insurance Adjusters are faithful sponsors of Team Rachel Race 4 A Cure and has sponsored all 3 races! This year Tami made sure that Petrocelli was our first road race sponsor. Thank you!!!
Website: http://www.petrocelliadjusters.com/Read More
Its 10:51 on Monday night and I haven’t been able to shake how much I miss Rachel since I shipped her off on the van yesterday afternoon at 4:00pm. I pushed for her to go to this school (she has never wanted to leave home) and now I can’t stop missing her.
I have some big decisions to make. I have an appointment tomorrow with the Pediatrician on staff at her new school to go over the MOLST form. Grab a box of tissues and imagine filling it out for your formerly healthy baby girl:
I want to pick her up and bring her home. The last day has been the hardest since she left. I left a voicemail for school at 7:20 tonight for her to call me but no luck. I will definitely be bumping into her tomorrow. She drives me crazy but I love the shit out of her. I usually get upset and just want my healthy daughter back but the last 48 hours has kind of been me realizing that I will take any version of her because sooner rather than later there will be NO version of her to have back.
This disease is relentless.
Rachel’s new school is full of people just like me and just like you with feelings, hopes, laughs and tears. Young people who have been admitted to the school because they were born with (most) a disability or acquired one along the way like my Rachel. I know that some of the kids there will probably attend the school until age 22 and will transition into the mainstream world. I also know that due to privacy the staff is unable to divulge medical information to the other children about Rachel or her fate. When I am visiting, different kids will strike up a conversation and I have started to tell them things about Rachel. That she was totally normal and healthy, reminding them (especially the boys) that she is only 13, that she is blind.
Last night I told two of the other students that Rachel is terminal and the name of her disease (Batten Disease) so that they could read more about Rachel.
There is a boy at her school who is truly amazing. He can maneuver his iPad with his feet faster than I can with my fingers. He took a liking to Rachel over the summer when she was in summer camp at her new school and I have reminded him, specifically, that she is only 13 and a MINOR. :-) Last night at the theme dinner I told him about her disease and that she is terminal. I also told him about her website that you are reading right now.
I think its only fair that the kids who care about her know that the Rachel you see today is not the Rachel that will be in a few years (and not the Rachel that I knew when a few years ago). It is heartbreaking, but only fair to let the other students who are cognitively capable of grasping her disease know what is to come.
Reality sucks but I’d rather be a realist. Living an honest, pragmatic life has made living with this stupid disease much more bearable for me. The picture is from dinner last night. I had to threaten her to get a smile because she was so busy letting me stuff her face with mashed potatoes, gravy and chicken. <3Read More
Rachel has finished her first full week at school and is sitting in her lazy boy chair listening to Danny Phantom. She likes a TV show marathon (who doesn’t?). She definitely likes school but a large portion of her hates it because she misses the familiarity of knowing where things are, knowing who the people are, being aware of her surroundings. As she has more time under her belt and the disease takes more of her mind away, I feel confident that she will learn to love Mass Hospital School as much as possible.
I feel guilty that I have enjoyed the break from her and the care of her. I am actually looking forward to later today when the van picks her and her stuff up for another week. The thought of all of this killed me but the physical care of her and missing out on so many things because of not being able to go anywhere combined with the depression of staying home all the time was really killing me.
I love my Rachel and I feel that this place will give her better care than I am able to now. Bathing her is becoming so unsafe for her because she doesn’t have the quadricep strength to push herself up safely and consistently. I have really enjoyed spending time with my other kids without the incessant noise and the new freedom to go places and do things.
I feel good about my choice to send her to the new residential school. Guilty but very good. Batten Disease sucks but life does go on for the rest of us and I have to keep that in mind while making sure she is well taken care of. I love my Rachel. <3
Here is a picture of our mid-week visit last week with her sister Juliebean. Granny came as well and Rachel loved seeing us. If you want to visit her send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will let them know to expect you. Visiting hours is 4-8pm Monday – Thursday.
Now if we could just get this horrible breakthrough bleeding that has arrived two weekends in a row under control, that would be great!!!!!
Rachel and JuliebeanRead More