Today is like any other day. Well, today is London’s 9th birthday and I let Rachel stay home today to hang out with all of us and simply relax. I can’t believe my children are 14, 10, 9 and 8. Seems like a happy day, which it is, but it is also a very sad day for me.
This sadness I keep inside because my children don’t need to have a sad mother. I have been avoiding this for a long time but today…
Today I took delivery on Rachel’s hospital bed.
She’s had a hospital bed at my Mom’s house and really quite enjoyed it. Using the controllers to move her head and legs up and down.
I don’t see this bed as a fun, good time. I see this bed as death coming closer to my door.
I hate this disease. I hate this bed.
Surreal to have a child’s stuffed animals on a hospital bed in OUR home. I don’t like it.
She is all happy because I made her ramen for lunch. Ramen slides down her throat which has an epiglottis that likes to forget to close from time to time.
Rachel listening to Disney Junior.
Please someone wake us up from this nightmare. All of the parents of dying kids are living in a nightmare. Nightmares are for night and you’re supposed to wake up from them in the morning being grateful that it wasn’t real.
Except this is real.